


And, Action!

by Basingstoke



Category: Invisible Man.
Genre: Gen, Pregnancy, Worst-Case Scenario Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-18
Updated: 2005-09-18
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:33:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basingstoke/pseuds/Basingstoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the Worst Case Scenario challenge. My prompt: How To Deliver A Baby.<br/>Thanks to Miss Pamela for the beta.</p>
    </blockquote>





	And, Action!

**Author's Note:**

> For the Worst Case Scenario challenge. My prompt: How To Deliver A Baby.  
> Thanks to Miss Pamela for the beta.

"Argh!" Keep shouted.

Bobby eyed his wristwatch. "Oh boy. Oh boy. That wasn't even a minute. That was half a minute."

"Yes, I told you, it's coming *now*," Keep panted. "Bobby, you're going to have to deliver this baby!"

Bobby rubbed the panic sweat from his forehead. "Fawkes, a little help here?"

"Almost got it open!" Darien shouted through the open hatch of the elevator. Like a moron, he was trying to pry open the elevator doors when they had a *real* situation down here in the Keeper's belly.

"Fawkes! Focus!"

"I am focused!"

"Darien, get your skinny arse down here and hold my sodding hair!" Keep bellowed, silencing both men.

Bobby knelt beside her. She was half propped up against the wall of this seriously poorly-designed elevator, because really, what kind of elevator just up and stopped on a pregnant woman rushing to the hospital? "How are you doing? I have, um, I have raisins and a Hershey bar," he said, consulting his pockets.

"Right now all I really want--" and she gritted her teeth and grabbed his hand as her stomach *moved*, which was nine kinds of creepy. Above them, Darien reappeared feet first, spindly legs kicking for balance as he dropped back through the elevator hatch. Keep caught her breath as the contractions eased and grabbed Darien's hand as well. "All I want is a father for this baby so I can kick him in the goolies," she concluded.

"Hidden down side of test tube reproduction, huh?" Darien said. She grabbed his collar, murder in her eyes.

"Whoa!" "Okay, well, just remember that we're your platonic male friends--"

"Uncle Darien, Uncle Bobby," Darien chanted.

"--and our sperms are not to blame."

"Innocent penii, undeserving of harm," Darien said.

"Fawkes!"

"That's not the plural of penis," Keep said. "Bobby, check my progress."

Bobby looked at her legs, horrified.

"Bobby," she growled.

"I always thought Italian food, a little Barry White if we ever went there," he said numbly. She bared her teeth and he hopped to it, sliding his hands up under her skirt and peeling off her undies, already flooded with... with... with internal organ juice. Eeergh. Bobby reminded himself that he was a top-caliber agent, that his jib was *very* well cut, and that he was equal to the challenge, and then he peeked under her skirt.

"Gah!" he shouted, throwing himself backwards. Keep and Darien both glowered at him.

"Maybe I should do this. I've got safecracker hands," Darien said, wiggling his fingers at her.

"Yes, and what if you get nervous and turn my baby invisible? They're extremely sensitive. No. You stay here, and Bobby, you *look*," she insisted, twitching her skirt higher.

"Oh," Bobby said, reeling, "I looked, I looked, I think we have forehead here." He shook his head to clear out the images.

"I think you look great pregnant," Darien said.

"Thank you." And then she bared her teeth as her belly moved again, breathing in short, sharp breaths.

Bobby's phone rang and he grabbed it. "Yes!"

"Help is on the way, Agent Hobbes. Maintenance has been deployed," Eberts said, way too calm.

"Get an ambulance! And the police! And fire! And a helicopter! Keep's having her baby right now!" Bobby shouted.

"She is? Oh my. Oh my word. Oh my, um, yes, oh my, I'll see to it," Eberts said, and then the connection clicked off in his ear.

"*Eberts*," Bobby hissed with loathing. He stuffed the phone back in his shirt pocket.

"Help me get my feet under me. Gravity."

"Gravity," Darien repeated.

"Gravity," Bobby agreed, and between them, they raised Keep to a squat. She leaned on Darien's shoulders and breathed and pushed, and Bobby suddenly *looked* at that horrible elevator carpet, whipped his jacket off, and spread it under her. Had to have something in case... man, how fast *did* babies come out, anyway?

And then she screamed and they both grabbed her. "Claire?" Darien yelled.

"Keep!"

"Soon!" she wailed, grabbing Darien's jacket so hard the shoulder seam separated.

Bobby looked again, even though he was unable to shake the feeling that no mortal man should be seeing this stuff, and he could see--something. "Yeah, here we go, here comes the noggin," he said, reminding himself that he was a man of action and was not going to pass out just because a woman he liked and respected was expelling another human from inside her body.

She screamed again, and holy *crow*. "Here it comes!" he shouted. "Claire! Way to go! Here comes a baby!"

"Go Claire! You rule! Yeah! Makin' babies!" Darien said, and she half-laughed and half-shouted and then there was a *head sticking out of her* and Bobby caught it as the rest of the baby slid right out.

"Oh my *God*," she sighed, slumping into Darien's arms. "Is it all right?"

Bobby couldn't stop staring at it, this little upside-down purple jellybean of a squishy-faced baby. It waved its tiny fists at him.

"Holy moly," Darien said.

"Check its mouth. Give it to me," Keep said, holding out her arms. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Girl," Bobby said, catching hold of his brain. He gave her the baby, then stripped off his shirt and wrapped it around the little nibbler.

"Shoelace," Keep said to Darien, and "Thank you," to Bobby as the elevator started to move. She tied the shoelace around the baby's umbilical.

"Daria is a great name," Darien said.

"So's Roberta."

"Keep dreaming, lads," Keep said, beaming.

They were only one floor from the ground, that was the hell of it. The doors opened in a few seconds and Eberts was standing there with what looked like an entire SWAT team behind him. "Doctor! Oh, oh my goodness," Eberts said, and swooned. A SWAT guy caught him.

"We handled it," Bobby said.

"Aw yeah," Darien said. Low five.

"Excuse me, *I* handled it. Get me to the hospital, you lot," Keep ordered. The ambulance guys lifted her onto a gurney, baby held safely in her arms. Darien and Bobby staggered out of the elevator and sat next to Eberts, slumped against the wall.

"She shoved a baby out of her ladyparts," Darien said.

"Sure did," Bobby agreed.

"I can't honestly think of anything worse," Darien said, resting his head on Bobby's shoulder. He looked a little pale. A lot pale.

"Kidney stones," Bobby replied, absolutely sure about that. He rested his head on Darien's.

Fade to black.

The End.


End file.
